Wandering

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it... Prone to leave the God I love!"

Lately I've been wandering. These words from the song written by Robert Robinson always ring true in me when ever I hear them.
Here in America, we can be bombarded by distractions simply by walking into a room.  It's never hard to turn on the TV in my home or use my laptop, or play some music.  No, maybe everything isn't bad; we are so blessed to have all of this!! But the more and more it takes up space in my life, the worse it is for me.

Recently I was looking at a web site that explained why you get pimples in certain places on your face.  As I read through the spots where I had frequently seen zits, I found that most spots seemed to suggest that I drink more water, and go outside more often.  Then I realized that the longest I ever spend outside every day is only a couple minutes going from here to there.  I really love the outdoors, but when I decide to take a rest, I tend to snuggle up on the couch watching TV or browsing the internet. Who would've guessed that this was becoming a problem for my appearance?

It got me thinking, what do I do with my time?

At Winterfest, a youth rally in Gatlinberg, TN, they played a video about how much time we spend doing certain activities throughout our lifetime. We all laughed when it said that we spend about three years of our life just sitting on the toilet; but when it took an average of how much time we spend reading our Bible?  It was less than any other activity listed.  Not so funny anymore, now is it?  How is it possible that we spend so little time in the most important book of our lives? Is the Bible not food for your soul, and do you not feed your body at least three times a day?

So I took a look at my daily routine, and I realized, the most I every normally focus on God is an occasional prayer right when I wake up, a chapel talk on Mondays and Fridays, and a maybe 30 minute reading/praying session with God about my day (unless I'm too tired and just fall asleep). How sad is that?! Not to mention, total time outside: less than 5 minutes. (I want recess back!)

If you asked me, "Do you ever get distracted from God?" My answer would be, "YES. A lot."

So I'm challenging myself this week to take at least a half-an-hour break when I get home from school to go sit out in my lovely lawn or on my front porch and pray to God.  Bible required. And I challenge you too to do the same!  Open up and admit that you wander often, but that you want to start focusing; then pray this to Him:
"Here's my heart, O take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above."

So here goes hoping, and trusting, and praying,

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me."
- Psalm 40:11-13

Endless Faces

This is a song that I wrote today, while thinking about the past and now.  I don't have a good tune to it, but if someone likes to make nice tunes and makes this a song, please share with me!  I'd love to put this to music.

All these endless faces
Are rolling past my mind
What once gave me a broken heart
Now I'm leaving it all behind

Oh, you know
I've been rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding my way back home

A tear fell on my shoulder
But now my cheeks are dry
It once gave me a broken heart
Now I know I won't ever cry

Oh, you know
I've been rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding a place to go

"What happened to what we had?
Why'd we ever let go?"
All those lies were just stuck in my mind...
I'm leaving that all behind

Oh, you know
I'm rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding a place to go

Oh, you know
I'm rescued from my hole
Oh, and it shows
I'm on my way back home

~♥

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:13-14

Have You Seen?

"Have you ever stood in the family with the Lord there in your midst; seen the face of Christ in your brother?

Then I say you've seen Jesus my Lord."

A lot has happened in my life lately:

On the 25th, my Mom-Mom Pat passed away.

  She was loved by our whole family, and always spoke and did nice things for us. She spent a lot of time with my younger cousins, but that's okay; I still got to see her at least twice a year, and on occasion, she and Pop-Pop would take my sisters and I out to eat.  Last time I saw her, I realized that I loved getting to see her.  Little did I know that I would never get to again.

That Sunday, my Pop-Pop went to the hospital.

  Saturday, after the funeral, he left early from lunch because he didn't feel well. The next morning he had a horrible fever, and they had to take him to the hospital.  His appendix was removed, and he did return home Thursday.  The thought of losing him or another tears at me inside.

Saturday, after the funeral, I spent a week at Camp.

  We came home, changed, and threw everything into the car to work as Staff.  I had a wonderful cabin of girls who received many awards during the week.  The first three days, we had Girl's Cleanest Cabin, with scores of 100, 101, and 103.  One of them had a heart that totally understood God's message in almost everything.  She was uplifting to hear speak during devotionals.

Then, my older sister got engaged.

  He showed me the ring Friday before camp, and told me throughout the week when he asked my Dad and then my Mom for permission.  I helped plan the "circle prayer" leading up to it, but nothing compared to the words he said to her when he asked her to marry him.  I love my sister so much, and I can tell that they love each other just as much and more.  

All of this, my dad announced today in front of the church.  As he said it one by one, just as I have done now, it all hit me hard, like a long storm after a drought.  I sat with my head in my hands, and quietly began to cry, for once not worried that anyone would see, because my tears were between me and God.

And as I silently prayed, and began to control my tears, wiping my face with a tissue, I looked up just barely to see my friend up front looking back with a smile that wasn't his own. 

In a glance, in his face, I saw the love of one who realized that I have loved much; I saw Jesus.

Everything that I heard this morning changed me.  So many people visited today.  A young boy was baptized.  A family moved and was leaving our church.  A family who left visited with their son whom was just baptized last week.  I got to be with people whom I haven't seen in months, and I got to give hugs to many people who I won't see again for months.  And I couldn't help but feel the Holy Spirit inside of me when we prayed and when we looked into the Scripture; so I thank God for today, and for everything he has done for me. "I love you, O Lord, my strength." -Psalm 18:1

Today, I've seen Jesus my Lord.♥

Relax

I've been in a wonderful mood lately, and it's no wonder!  It is beautiful outside today!!  After sweating for hours while cleaning and taking a bike ride, I took a relaxing shower, and now I'm constantly thanking God for the wonderful day he has made.

It is on days like today when I get to see God in nearly everything.  So it's interesting that I opened to Matthew 4:10-11.  It says,
Jesus said to him, "Away from me Satan!  For it is written: 'Worship the Lord, your God, and serve him only.' "  Then the devil left him, and angels attended him.

 If you've followed my Twitter or read my last posts, I've struggled with my faith a lot.  Today has been like a break through for me:  finally, loving God is easy!
Immediately when I read this verse, I read, "Then the devil left him, and angels attended him."  So it is possible for Satan to leave us, I thought.  But what caused him to leave?  Both in my life and in Jesus', the answer is found in the verse before it:
  "Worship the Lord, and serve him only."  

 When you are only reading it, this passage seems to say that when Jesus spoke scripture against Satan--specifically saying "I won't serve you, I'll serve God only"--he went away; but that is only half of it.  The other half is what is first mentioned: Worship the Lord.  It doesn't give a specific time nor a specific way, it just says worship him.  All the time, constantly, in everything you do, worship God.  For forty days and nights, Jesus was learning how to worship God with his life, while he fasted.  I'm sure all of that time he spent with God is the real reason behind Satan's departing.  Once Jesus said those words, Satan could tell that he was tied to God, and so he left him.

I think this is a wonderful example of what loving God looks like when the devil attacks us.  He can come with our worries, like Jesus' upcoming death, and try to promise the world as an escape; yet, because we trust God's plan, we say, "Away from me Satan!" and cling to our Lord.

How is your love story?  If you're like me, maybe you need to relax and let God.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Fine Clothes

 It seems to be true that at night time, the dark things of this world start to play out in the open.  Thieves steal at night.  Murders take place in dark alley ways.  But that darkness comes out in ourselves too.  When you're up late at night, and you're by yourself, you can see some of your deepest temptations come out into the open.

When it gets late, one of the things I often find myself turning to is the fashion industry.  I am a person who does not wear makeup, except for special occasions, and who does not put a whole lot of time into my look.  On the other hand, I am also an artist, a graphic designer to be specific, and so things of that nature delight me.  So I find shows like Project Runway and America's Next Top Model to be interesting, although not totally my field.

I found out two years ago that my self esteem is easy to mess with.  I never thought I was beautiful in the eyes of my friends, because no guys took interest in me, but I was determined inside that I really was prettier than the girls who got the attention.  One day, a nice young guy took interest in me, and we became a "thing".  If we had focused our friendship on God, it might have lasted, but it ended in the wrong place, since my mind was so focused on that someone found me attractive.

Many girls I know have similar problems: they doubt that they are pretty, and they think that by wearing makeup, or finding the right guy, they could fix that problem.  Sometimes, people doubt that anyone could like a girl with pimples, or who has a little chubbiness around their tummy.  Maybe if I'm wearing clothes that are in style, or cute shoes, or short shorts.  But, no! What your missing isn't smooth skin, fine clothing, or a beautiful body; what your missing is a kind spirit that loves God.

When I see those girls on the runway shows, I do get jealous.  I have acne all over my shoulders, so although I am skinnier than most girls, I still feel imperfect sometimes.  But when I see those girls, I also see girls--whom may have achieved perfection in my eyes--still fighting for 1st place.  There is no such thing as perfection; it's a myth.

But what is real is that guys all the time fall in love with girls and marry them for life.  Maybe you have seen an old married couple, maybe you haven't; but I know quite a few, and I can promise you, he's not still with her just because she is so beautiful at this age. 
He knows she is worth spending a lifetime with because of her pure life and her respect for God.  He chose her, because he would not be ashamed to tell others who she is; because she could raise their children to be respectful and hardworking; because she would do all that she can to keep him in good health for the years to come.

That is why a man truly loves a woman: because of her spirit.
And that is the same reason why God loves us.  Although, yes, he loves us unconditionally, he can only form a relationship with us when our spirit is humble, caring, and loving towards him and others.  That is why when a woman has this kind of spirit inside of her, she is so desirable!  Are you not worth more to someone when you return love to them?  Don't they just rejoice being around you because you bring and give them joy from within?

So work on the spirit within you.  Be patient with others, kind to them.  Don't be jealous, and don't boast.  Try to be a little less arrogant, and avoid saying or doing anything rude.  Stop insisting on having everything your own way.  If you're irritating someone, don't; and keep in your mind not to be resentful.  Don't smile when something bad happens, but rather be happy when something is right.  Bear with others.  Believe in them.  Have hope in every situation, and endure the tough times.  Never let your love end.

"It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful.  No, your beauty should come from within you--the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.  This beauty will never disappear, and it is worth very much to God."
-1 Peter 3:3-4

Storms

 Many times in life you will hit a storm.

Sometimes you see it coming in the distance and you prepare yourself.  Buy bread, milk, eggs. Close the windows.

But then the storm hits, and it's bigger than you expected.  You thought you were prepared for it, but really you're not.  All of your preparations don't seem to matter now because the power's out, the basement is flooded, batteries are all dying, and you can't find a single match.

 These are times when faith comes into play.

You have no backup plan.
Can you turn to God?  Do you trust him? It's so easy to relax in his arms when you're sleeping than when you're drowning, but you won't survive unless you relax then too!  Sometimes when you can't seem to breathe, you need to just listen to what he says and have faith.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

The Dust

Last week with a group of friends, we studied 1 Corinthians chapters 1-3.
Divisions were arising in the church from many things, one of them being the people's pride.

Pride is something I struggle with all of the time.
"If only I would..." is how most of my thoughts begin.
Most recently, one thought that haunts me is this thought that I am so prideful that really all I am is a hypocrite and liar, and that because of my weakness, I'll never become that strong Christian that I wish I could become...

I don't know you personally, and I don't know what your history is with Christ, but if you've struggled with seeing your worth, listen to this song:

Beautiful Things - Gungor

"All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all..."

Look at the picture; isn't it cute?

Look closely now, and look at what has made such a pretty scene.

"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"


God knows who we are, and he knows we are weak.
But we are not worthless.

What are we?
We are servants.

We do God's will, and he makes us into something great.

I like that phase:
"...life is being found in You."

The important thing is that
God 
can
make
us
new.

1 Corinthians 3:6 says that one may have planted the seed or watered it, but God made it grow.

Look to God for your hope.
He makes beautiful things.
He makes beautiful things out of the dust.

"So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future -- all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God."
-1 Corinthians 3:21-23