Saturday, November 24, 2012

Confessions

Me: "God, I've missed you so much! I'm so sorry for ever leaving... I love you."
God: "I love you too."

I haven't been myself lately, mostly because I've lost my Bible, (I think I left it at church; the other one is at school. Internet Bibles just aren't the same) and with Thanksgiving, I've been indulging a lot in me.

I've been so excited to eat food, and sleep, and play with my cousins, and relax.  That's all good, and perfectly healthy, but I forgot about God.  Yeah, I thanked him and everything, but then I got to eat a ton of food, and I took a nap, and I spent a lot of time on the computer... I just forgot what this break was all about.

But I'm turning around, right now, and maybe that's why God let me leave my Bible at school.
A lot of the time, I forget how crucial reading the Bible is to life.  This was kind of a wake-up call for me to start spending more time with God.

So, I'm sorry God for not caring, for ignoring you, and for being selfish..
Please help me love you more! I'm not that great at reading, but I am going to do my best now.
Help me want to read; please, Lord, be with me.
I love you.
~♥

"Come near to God, and he will come near to you.  Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded."
- James 4:8

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Young Promises

When you make a promise to someone, a promise that you probably shouldn't have made, it makes it harder to let go... especially when you made the promise before you were old enough to know what you were saying.

It's hard for me to see little kids run after each other, having 'boyfriends" and "girlfriends" and telling each other they "love them".  It's got to be important to us to teach our kids and our younger peers in school that things like this aren't important--that it's more important to become a better person for God.  I don't like young relationships, mostly because I was in one that's been affecting the rest of my life, and I don't want some of their innocence to be ruined by a pitiful, easily avoided mistake.

But to keep this brief, I will admit, maybe it's good for them to learn young.  Not that they should have relationships in elementary, but that when they are a teen, they can learn somehow what is truly important to them and to life, somehow, someway, by God's plans.

I guess I wouldn't be writing this blog if it weren't for those times when I found myself crying out to God for help because of what I'd done.. but I still can't help but wish I hadn't said some of the things I had, like "I promise to always love you" when I was only fourteen years old.  But I do believe in God's promises--that he will use everything for our good (Rom. 8:28)--and so I just hope that he turns this into a good thing.

But what do you think?  What part should we play in young people's lives?

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will."
- Romans 12:2

Saturday, September 29, 2012

My Lover

I find myself often longing for a lover.
I sit here and think,
"If only there was someone 
who would be there for me all the time, 
and listen to all my problems, 
and help me get through them.
Someone who already knows what I've done,
and understands my heart, 
yet continues to love me all the time.
Someone who I can actually rely on for help, 
and trust with my secrets."

Then I look up and realize, 
  I have him already.
He knows everything I've done, but still loves me
 and he can help me in every situation.
I realize that he's been here all along, 
and I've loved him already too;
and then I realize that he's been waiting to hear me speak:
So I turn to my Lord, and say,
"Thank You."


"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
- Jeremiah 31:3

Continued Post 9/30/12 

At the end of his talk today in church, my preacher talking about how the Holy Spirit worked, brought up how at a young age, a man told him to pray for his future, especially for who he would marry.  He dated a lot of good girls, and they all could have been fine, but he said one day in High School, he was asked to lead a devotional for a group of college kids.  He did it, and was completely scared, and even says he still does not remember what he said, but at the end of it, when everyone was leaving, this really thin girl came up to him, bright eyed, and said, "Wow! I liked what you said! What's your name?"  Even though she was in college, and he was in High School, they began a friendship, and he knew that there was something special about her.  Now they have been married for years, with four great kids, two of them married with kids of their own.

This reminded me of how often I've prayed the same thing, that God would work on me so that I would be a good wife, and work on whoever "he" is so that he would be a good husband, and that together we could serve God more fully.  It gives me a great amount of hope to know that he (someone I truly respect and admire for their relationship and walk with Christ) prayed what I am praying, and that God did answer that prayer fully.
I want to encourage you then to do the same if you are looking for love; but also I want you to remember that God loved you first, and that his love is better than any man's.
Be strong, pray, have faith.
~

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Spiritual Truths

I have a creepy feeling inside of me.  Some part of God's spirit in me is predicting things and preparing my heart for things I do not know will happen.  How do I know this stuff??  Nothing in my body can tell me what I've known before it happened, and yet, somehow I knew it?
The night before Mrs. Hoffman died, I read Isaiah 57:1-2, and I prayed to God, "If you take her, keep her in heaven, because she is a wonderful woman and has done many things for You that no other woman I know has done."
A couple of hours ago, I read in Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, "There is a time for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die..." ...and as I read that, I knew somehow deep inside that this, in this moment, was talking about sweet little Julia... and now.. I hear that she has passed away... How can this happen?
The words of one of my new favorite songs screams out to me at this moment, because it's message is lining perfectly with my life, every second God is in control of me.

Alive Again - Matt Maher

Yes, I can see the light before I see the sunrise, and I can feel the wind before it hits my skin... it's so weird!
If anyone tries to tell you that the Spirit does not do things inside of a person that makes them know, say, or even understand things that cannot be understood by your body's senses, they do not know God!
God works amazing wonders.
I found it hard to believe such things even when my Bible teacher tried showing us it last year.  Honestly, he spoke in "tongues"--and it was weird! No idea what he said, and walking out of that class, all of my friends were like "Wow, do you believe that stuff? I think it's kinda crazy. Well, I don't really know, but yeah it was weird. I'm not sure."
But in that class, when he spoke whatever he did, it gave me some weird calmness.. and when he translated what he said... it spoke directly to me, into my life, and what I was going through at that time. He wasn't directing it toward anyone himself, but he faced me when he spoke it too. Interesting, huh..

Ever since then, I've looked for the Spirit, and I've found it here and there, in my life, and in others.
People find it hard to believe such a thing is true. Dying on the cross and being raised to life is a little less hard to believe than this, because this is something present.

Am I making any of this up? No; I wouldn't dare make a claim this big anywhere if I was not being truthful.
Does it line up with scripture? That someone can know things beyond herself because of the Spirit?
See for yourself:

    We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing.  No, we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.  None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.  However, as it is written:
“No eye has seen,
    no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
   what God has prepared for those who love him" —
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
    The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.  For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.  This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.  The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.  The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgement:
“For who has known the mind of the Lord
    that he may instruct him?”
But we have the mind of Christ.
- 1 Corinthians 2:6-16

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Wandering

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it... Prone to leave the God I love!"

Lately I've been wandering. These words from the song written by Robert Robinson always ring true in me when ever I hear them.
Here in America, we can be bombarded by distractions simply by walking into a room.  It's never hard to turn on the TV in my home or use my laptop, or play some music.  No, maybe everything isn't bad; we are so blessed to have all of this!! But the more and more it takes up space in my life, the worse it is for me.

Recently I was looking at a web site that explained why you get pimples in certain places on your face.  As I read through the spots where I had frequently seen zits, I found that most spots seemed to suggest that I drink more water, and go outside more often.  Then I realized that the longest I ever spend outside every day is only a couple minutes going from here to there.  I really love the outdoors, but when I decide to take a rest, I tend to snuggle up on the couch watching TV or browsing the internet. Who would've guessed that this was becoming a problem for my appearance?

It got me thinking, what do I do with my time?

At Winterfest, a youth rally in Gatlinberg, TN, they played a video about how much time we spend doing certain activities throughout our lifetime. We all laughed when it said that we spend about three years of our life just sitting on the toilet; but when it took an average of how much time we spend reading our Bible?  It was less than any other activity listed.  Not so funny anymore, now is it?  How is it possible that we spend so little time in the most important book of our lives? Is the Bible not food for your soul, and do you not feed your body at least three times a day?

So I took a look at my daily routine, and I realized, the most I every normally focus on God is an occasional prayer right when I wake up, a chapel talk on Mondays and Fridays, and a maybe 30 minute reading/praying session with God about my day (unless I'm too tired and just fall asleep). How sad is that?! Not to mention, total time outside: less than 5 minutes. (I want recess back!)

If you asked me, "Do you ever get distracted from God?" My answer would be, "YES. A lot."

So I'm challenging myself this week to take at least a half-an-hour break when I get home from school to go sit out in my lovely lawn or on my front porch and pray to God.  Bible required. And I challenge you too to do the same!  Open up and admit that you wander often, but that you want to start focusing; then pray this to Him:
"Here's my heart, O take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above."

So here goes hoping, and trusting, and praying,

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me."
- Psalm 40:11-13

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Endless Faces

This is a song that I wrote today, while thinking about the past and now.  I don't have a good tune to it, but if someone likes to make nice tunes and makes this a song, please share with me!  I'd love to put this to music.

All these endless faces
Are rolling past my mind
What once gave me a broken heart
Now I'm leaving it all behind

Oh, you know
I've been rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding my way back home

A tear fell on my shoulder
But now my cheeks are dry
It once gave me a broken heart
Now I know I won't ever cry

Oh, you know
I've been rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding a place to go

"What happened to what we had?
Why'd we ever let go?"
All those lies were just stuck in my mind...
I'm leaving that all behind

Oh, you know
I'm rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding a place to go

Oh, you know
I'm rescued from my hole
Oh, and it shows
I'm on my way back home

~

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:13-14

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Have You Seen?

"Have you ever stood in the family with the Lord there in your midst; seen the face of Christ in your brother?
Then I say you've seen Jesus my Lord."

A lot has happened in my life lately:
On the 25th, my Mom-Mom Pat passed away.
  She was loved by our whole family, and always spoke and did nice things for us. She spent a lot of time with my younger cousins, but that's okay; I still got to see her at least twice a year, and on occasion, she and Pop-Pop would take my sisters and I out to eat.  Last time I saw her, I realized that I loved getting to see her.  Little did I know that I would never get to again.
That Sunday, my Pop-Pop went to the hospital.
  Saturday, after the funeral, he left early from lunch because he didn't feel well. The next morning he had a horrible fever, and they had to take him to the hospital.  His appendix was removed, and he did return home Thursday.  The thought of losing him or another tears at me inside.
Saturday, after the funeral, I spent a week at Camp.
  We came home, changed, and threw everything into the car to work as Staff.  I had a wonderful cabin of girls who received many awards during the week.  The first three days, we had Girl's Cleanest Cabin, with scores of 100, 101, and 103.  One of them had a heart that totally understood God's message in almost everything.  She was uplifting to hear speak during devotionals.
Then, my older sister got engaged.
  He showed me the ring Friday before camp, and told me throughout the week when he asked my Dad and then my Mom for permission.  I helped plan the "circle prayer" leading up to it, but nothing compared to the words he said to her when he asked her to marry him.  I love my sister so much, and I can tell that they love each other just as much and more.  

All of this, my dad announced today in front of the church.  As he said it one by one, just as I have done now, it all hit me hard, like a long storm after a drought.  I sat with my head in my hands, and quietly began to cry, for once not worried that anyone would see, because my tears were between me and God.
And as I silently prayed, and began to control my tears, wiping my face with a tissue, I looked up just barely to see my friend up front looking back with a smile that wasn't his own. 

In a glance, in his face, I saw the love of one who realized that I have loved much; I saw Jesus.

Everything that I heard this morning changed me.  So many people visited today.  A young boy was baptized.  A family moved and was leaving our church.  A family who left visited with their son whom was just baptized last week.  I got to be with people whom I haven't seen in months, and I got to give hugs to many people who I won't see again for months.  And I couldn't help but feel the Holy Spirit inside of me when we prayed and when we looked into the Scripture; so I thank God for today, and for everything he has done for me. "I love you, O Lord, my strength." -Psalm 18:1

Today, I've seen Jesus my Lord.♥



Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Relax

I've been in a wonderful mood lately, and it's no wonder!  It is beautiful outside today!!  After sweating for hours while cleaning and taking a bike ride, I took a relaxing shower, and now I'm constantly thanking God for the wonderful day he has made.

It is on days like today when I get to see God in nearly everything.  So it's interesting that I opened to Matthew 4:10-11.  It says,
Jesus said to him, "Away from me Satan!  For it is written: 'Worship the Lord, your God, and serve him only.' "  Then the devil left him, and angels attended him.

 If you've followed my Twitter or read my last posts, I've struggled with my faith a lot.  Today has been like a break through for me:  finally, loving God is easy!
Immediately when I read this verse, I read, "Then the devil left him, and angels attended him."  So it is possible for Satan to leave us, I thought.  But what caused him to leave?  Both in my life and in Jesus', the answer is found in the verse before it:
  "Worship the Lord, and serve him only."  

 When you are only reading it, this passage seems to say that when Jesus spoke scripture against Satan--specifically saying "I won't serve you, I'll serve God only"--he went away; but that is only half of it.  The other half is what is first mentioned: Worship the Lord.  It doesn't give a specific time nor a specific way, it just says worship him.  All the time, constantly, in everything you do, worship God.  For forty days and nights, Jesus was learning how to worship God with his life, while he fasted.  I'm sure all of that time he spent with God is the real reason behind Satan's departing.  Once Jesus said those words, Satan could tell that he was tied to God, and so he left him.

I think this is a wonderful example of what loving God looks like when the devil attacks us.  He can come with our worries, like Jesus' upcoming death, and try to promise the world as an escape; yet, because we trust God's plan, we say, "Away from me Satan!" and cling to our Lord.

How is your love story?  If you're like me, maybe you need to relax and let God.

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Fine Clothes

 It seems to be true that at night time, the dark things of this world start to play out in the open.  Thieves steal at night.  Murders take place in dark alley ways.  But that darkness comes out in ourselves too.  When you're up late at night, and you're by yourself, you can see some of your deepest temptations come out into the open.

When it gets late, one of the things I often find myself turning to is the fashion industry.  I am a person who does not wear makeup, except for special occasions, and who does not put a whole lot of time into my look.  On the other hand, I am also an artist, a graphic designer to be specific, and so things of that nature delight me.  So I find shows like Project Runway and America's Next Top Model to be interesting, although not totally my field.

I found out two years ago that my self esteem is easy to mess with.  I never thought I was beautiful in the eyes of my friends, because no guys took interest in me, but I was determined inside that I really was prettier than the girls who got the attention.  One day, a nice young guy took interest in me, and we became a "thing".  If we had focused our friendship on God, it might have lasted, but it ended in the wrong place, since my mind was so focused on that someone found me attractive.

Many girls I know have similar problems: they doubt that they are pretty, and they think that by wearing makeup, or finding the right guy, they could fix that problem.  Sometimes, people doubt that anyone could like a girl with pimples, or who has a little chubbiness around their tummy.  Maybe if I'm wearing clothes that are in style, or cute shoes, or short shorts.  But, no! What your missing isn't smooth skin, fine clothing, or a beautiful body; what your missing is a kind spirit that loves God.

When I see those girls on the runway shows, I do get jealous.  I have acne all over my shoulders, so although I am skinnier than most girls, I still feel imperfect sometimes.  But when I see those girls, I also see girls--whom may have achieved perfection in my eyes--still fighting for 1st place.  There is no such thing as perfection; it's a myth.

But what is real is that guys all the time fall in love with girls and marry them for life.  Maybe you have seen an old married couple, maybe you haven't; but I know quite a few, and I can promise you, he's not still with her just because she is so beautiful at this age. 
He knows she is worth spending a lifetime with because of her pure life and her respect for God.  He chose her, because he would not be ashamed to tell others who she is; because she could raise their children to be respectful and hardworking; because she would do all that she can to keep him in good health for the years to come.

That is why a man truly loves a woman: because of her spirit.
And that is the same reason why God loves us.  Although, yes, he loves us unconditionally, he can only form a relationship with us when our spirit is humble, caring, and loving towards him and others.  That is why when a woman has this kind of spirit inside of her, she is so desirable!  Are you not worth more to someone when you return love to them?  Don't they just rejoice being around you because you bring and give them joy from within?

So work on the spirit within you.  Be patient with others, kind to them.  Don't be jealous, and don't boast.  Try to be a little less arrogant, and avoid saying or doing anything rude.  Stop insisting on having everything your own way.  If you're irritating someone, don't; and keep in your mind not to be resentful.  Don't smile when something bad happens, but rather be happy when something is right.  Bear with others.  Believe in them.  Have hope in every situation, and endure the tough times.  Never let your love end.

"It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful.  No, your beauty should come from within you--the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.  This beauty will never disappear, and it is worth very much to God."
-1 Peter 3:3-4

Friday, July 13, 2012

Storms

 Many times in life you will hit a storm.

Sometimes you see it coming in the distance and you prepare yourself.  Buy bread, milk, eggs. Close the windows.

But then the storm hits, and it's bigger than you expected.  You thought you were prepared for it, but really you're not.  All of your preparations don't seem to matter now because the power's out, the basement is flooded, batteries are all dying, and you can't find a single match.

 These are times when faith comes into play.

You have no backup plan.
Can you turn to God?  Do you trust him? It's so easy to relax in his arms when you're sleeping than when you're drowning, but you won't survive unless you relax then too!  Sometimes when you can't seem to breathe, you need to just listen to what he says and have faith.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

Sunday, July 8, 2012

The Dust

Last week with a group of friends, we studied 1 Corinthians chapters 1-3.
Divisions were arising in the church from many things, one of them being the people's pride.

Pride is something I struggle with all of the time.
"If only I would..." is how most of my thoughts begin.
Most recently, one thought that haunts me is this thought that I am so prideful that really all I am is a hypocrite and liar, and that because of my weakness, I'll never become that strong Christian that I wish I could become...

I don't know you personally, and I don't know what your history is with Christ, but if you've struggled with seeing your worth, listen to this song:

Beautiful Things - Gungor

"All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all..."

Look at the picture; isn't it cute?


Look closely now, and look at what has made such a pretty scene.

"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"


God knows who we are, and he knows we are weak.
But we are not worthless.

What are we?
We are servants.

We do God's will, and he makes us into something great.

I like that phase:
"...life is being found in You."

The important thing is that
God 
can
make
us
new.

1 Corinthians 3:6 says that one may have planted the seed or watered it, but God made it grow.

Look to God for your hope.
He makes beautiful things.
He makes beautiful things out of the dust.

"So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future -- all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God."
-1 Corinthians 3:21-23

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Washed

 Many people refer to this passage to talk about serving others. We all know the story: Jesus did the job of a servant and washed his disciples feet, then told us all to do likewise.  It is a very powerful story when it comes to how a leader should act, but there is a deeper message here that John shows us.

When John introduces this foot-washing scene, he says, "Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love."
Washing their feet was Jesus' way of showing the full extent of his love?  Really? That is a pretty small act for such a big statement.
But the next two verses have three very important details:
1. Judas was already prompted to betray Jesus
2. Jesus knew he came from God and had power over everything
3. Jesus knew he was leaving
Jesus had to consider all of these things.  He knew that one person here truly did not deserve to be served, and he knew that he had the power to control anything--he could wipe Judas of the face of the earth!
But, because this is his last chance to show God's love to them, he decides instead to take off his outer clothing, wrap a towel around his waist, and wash their feet.


When you walk around for days in flip flops, it is easy to see how dirty our feet can get, especially if you are walking on dirt roads.  Add a month or two or three onto that, and your feet can get really disgusting!  Dirt piles up on our feet wherever we go, naturally, because we are humans.
  The same thing happens with our sins.
Every day, everywhere we go, we mess up.  We could be at a friends house, at church even, maybe just up late at night, and our hearts, our minds lose focus on God.  It is so easy to be distracted! Especially now that we have TV, the internet, cell phones, etc.  'Everything we need' is right at our fingertips and it keeps us so busy, we forget to spend our time with God.

Why do you think that Jesus said, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me"?  He knew all people sin, and he knew God cannot be with sin.  He wanted us to realize that we must accept his sacrifice or else we can't be with him.

When Jesus washed their feet, he was showing them what he was about to do on the cross.
This was the full extent of his love: that in his death, he would clean them, even though they did not deserve it, so that they could be with him forever.  Jesus wrapped the towel around his own waist; he carried our sins on his side.

Look at verses 11-17.
Jesus knew.
He knew Judas, although he was just washed, was going to betray him.
He knew that many, like Judas, claim to accept his gift, yet ignore it and choose to sin anyways. 

"I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you."

This is the challenge of Jesus.
You should love one another--even those who kill and murder--just as I have loved Judas.


What a powerful love Christ had to willingly wash the feet of the one who would lead him to die!


"Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them."
-John 13:17

Monday, July 2, 2012

Pearls

Last week, I attended Camp Manatawny and had an amazing, mind-blowing, heart-opening experience!  I learned many things and I hope I am able to share them with many people, because these are lessons I never want to forget.

In my first Bible Class (girls only!), our teacher read us a beautiful story about a pearl necklace.  I love this story and it warms my heart every time I hear it!
The story was this: The Pearl Necklace

Well, this story has rung true with me many times in my life.  We all struggle with it!  There is something between us and God that we just don't want to give up.  It can be anything: possessions, decisions, pride, bad relationships, our old lives.

For me, it was my deepest-darkest sins. I had been impure, but I had refused to do anything more than just ask for forgiveness.  It was one of those sins that you wanted to handle alone because you were too ashamed to tell anyone about it (I still am ashamed even), but sin is impossible to conquer without God.  Finally one day, I gave up fighting.  Against everything inside of me, I surrendered to God and told my best friend about what I had been doing, and I asked her for help and prayers and forgiveness.  That was the best decision of my life.  The effect was immediate, and I stopped Satan right then and there.  He left me, and I never was unable to stand against those sins again.  Yet, a week later (although this was the last time), I gave into the sin and felt dreadful.  That's what Satan does to us; he will never leave us alone.  He never leaves me alone!  A wise grandmother in my church said it this way:

"You might be done with Satan, but sweetie, he isn't done with you."

But, as this story says, God takes away our sin.  He took it away, once and for all.  Can we keep sinning?  Yes, but why would we?  That would be stupid!  And I'm telling myself that, because it was stupid!  It's taken me a year to realize this since I quit that past way of life, but once we are baptized, we have the freedom to choose not to sin.  We can look it dead in the eye because of Christ and say "No."
After suffering for so long with the thoughts that surrounded my past, I became familiar with the signs of my heart fading into that temptation.  Immediately, when my heart started to fall two weeks ago, I sat up straight and told myself, "NO. Never again."

Guess what girls? It works, because of GOD.

Give your pearls to Him.


"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart,
lean not on your own understanding,
in all of your ways submit to him, 
and he will make your paths straight. 
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body, and nourishment to your bones."
-Proverbs 3:5-7

Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Pearl Necklace

(Source: http://www.motivateus.com/stories/pearls.htm)
The Pearl Necklace


The cheerful girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them: a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.

"Oh please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please!"

Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face.
"A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."

As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies. After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.
On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she had enough money to buy the necklace.

Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere--Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.

Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night when he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, Daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess--the white horse from my collection. The one with the pink tail. Remember, Daddy? The one you gave me. She's my favorite."
"That's okay, Honey. Daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.

About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is so beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.

A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian-style. As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"

Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver,she finally said, "Here, Daddy. It's for you."

With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's kind daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime-store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.

He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her genuine treasure.


What are you hanging on to?

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

She Lived Right

Recently, Traci Hoffman, often known as "Mama H.", passed away.  The day before she passed, I kept thinking to myself about what a wonderful woman and roll model she is. Everything she did was for others, and she is the only woman I know who did love God with all of her heart and with all of her soul and with all of her mind and with all of her strength.  She went beyond anyone else with her dedication to doing things for God and others, and I only wish that the rest of us could grow up to be like her example of Christ.

When my sister shared the sad news with me, I went into my room and wrote this poem.


Dear God, will you take care of her?
Make sure she's comfy and can sleep somewhere?

Would you tell her she's loved and we miss her much?
Our last conversation really wasn't that much..

Would you send her a hello
From her kids here below?
Then hug them all tight
And kiss them goodnight?

Daddy, can you do one more thing?
Show her our cards and pom-pom things.

Show her the impact she's made on our lives,
And show her our future husbands and wives
All because she taught us to live right

Please, just make sure that she is alright/we are alright/ we are all right. 


"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 
 ... She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.  
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.  
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'  
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.  
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
-Proverbs 31:10-12, 25-31

Monday, May 7, 2012

Look

"Get past your mind and look for him!"

I've gone through a lot of loneliness recently. Not from being away from good friends, but from being away from God.
I couldn't hear him for a while. Part of that is my lack of discipline in listening for him. Part of that is because I left my Bible at school by accident before I went on a week-long trip.

Not that I've been totally deaf, although, interestingly enough, this past week I've felt like my earwax problem has been giving me hearing issues. No, it's just I hadn't heard him. I get such great joy when I hear him that I know when it's true or not.  I still can't believe how obviously powerful he is; and it is true, if you don't choose to hear and acknowledge God's voice, then you can't hear it like I do.


So last time I heard God's voice, he powerfully and peacefully told me (as I waited to run to the bathroom) "Draw...for ME."
That was... WOW.
Yeah. Well anyways, that was a couple months ago now, which, if David and Samuel talked to him all the time, seems pretty stretched out. So today, I learned another lesson that I hadn't heard for a while: God speaks through messengers.  A friend of mine posted one of those "Truth is" things on my wall, and within it was the most amazing message I've heard from God in a long time.

First, he answered one of my main prayers (questions) I've had for the past maybe 4 months, which latched onto a prayer I've been praying almost everyday for a year and a half now. That's just crazy. After that long, you don't expect things to get answered, you just keep praying.


Then, you know the whole deaf thing? Yeah, even in my "Christian activities" with Christian friends that usually talk with me about tons of Bible stuff, I feel like I've been lacking in whole as a Christian. I won't argue if that's possible or not, but in the back of my mind, when I push to keep trying to do better, I ask myself, "Is it really worth it? Can you actually keep this up? You keep slipping up, how will you ever succeed?"
Man, I love God! And He loves me! No lie, the next line after the answered prayer was about me being a strong Christian. It just was a gentle reminder that you're trying, and that's alright; keep your head up, I've got you.

God speaks in SO many ways!


Now that "Draw for me" thing I mentioned earlier? Well, ever since that happened, my future job possibilities sprouted out like a fibrous root in front of me, and it's become harder and harder to stick with art.  So far, just like everything else, I stuck with art because that's what I had been doing. It got harder when I got this "Future Female Engineers" award in a science competition, but I still stuck with my Graphic Design.
It may sound like nothing to someone else but a simple compliment, but the friend wrote, "Keep up the artwork."


Well, I don't think this friend even knows how God just used him, but I certainly do, and I couldn't be more inspired. I've missed God, and through this little note, he's reminded me that he's still there and I've got to keep heading on the right track towards him.


Keep looking for God.  Once you set aside your thoughts and purely look to and listen to him, that is when you hear God's voice.  Sometimes he forces it through.  Often not.  Generally, you can hear Him through his Word; He can also speak from anyone's voice, words, or even actions.  Just remember to put aside your thoughts and opinions about it all and just let Him speak clearly.


"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."
-Psalm 48:14

Monday, April 23, 2012

Little Things

     Today, I came to the small realization that my dad has come to know me better by the little conversations we have.  Ever since he got into this whole "couponing" and saving money with shopping, he has been asking me small questions, like "what do you like to eat?" and "what do you bring for school lunches?" It hasn't been much, just a list of things to buy or not to buy while he tries to narrow down his list to the "need to"s and "have to"s (rather than just "want to"s or "I dunno"s), but it's been building a relationship that has been slightly lacking before.
     A couple years ago, I used to cry in my room thinking and praying about having a close relationship with my parents. I had confided with my mom on a few things, but for the most part, it seemed like they hardly knew the real me, and I was afraid to come to them with my problems. It hit me big time when I dated my first boyfriend and wasn't sure how to handle different situations. At that time, I was more afraid of doing wrong and having them mad at me than I was actually caring about my relationship with them. Soon after we broke up, I realized that I needed that parental relationship badly, but I had no clue where to start.
    It wasn't too long after this that these tiny conversations started up. Now he's asked more things, like what I thought about small topics, or what I thought about events that have happened, and I can tell that I trust him more as a father and friend than I did before--and all I did was have little conversations with my dad. Both of my parents put up with my rants now about school and homework, and both openly give me advice about how to deal with situations, whether I choose it or not.

     All of this made me consider my relationship with God. Right now, it's not very strong, I'll have to admit.
I read an article the other day that in it's essence asked us to compare how much time we spend talking with our friends to how much time we talk to God. It said that all God really wants is to be our best friend, the one we talk to 24/7 about everything good and bad in our lives, simply because we love each other.  When I think about how my dad has been talking to me, I wonder if maybe God wants me to talk to him like that--at least to get started.  The other day, I tried this out a bit after I got my shoes for Formal. I said to Him, "Guess what! I got these amazing shoes! They're so comfortable and pretty, and they go great with my dress!! Just wait until I show you at home!" I don't know if this is weird or crazy or anything, but feeling close to God, I went into my room and put on my dress and shoes and looked in the mirror and asked Him, "Do you like it?"  I'm a bad listener, but written on my mirror, right where my face is, reads, "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor him for he is your Lord." (Psalms 45:11)

So how are you talking to God? Need a little more practice, like me? Maybe, to start, you can try these little conversations. When you're happy, share the news with Him. When you're sad, cry on his shoulder, talk it out to Him, ask Him "why?"--He can take it.  When you're mad, let out your frustration on Him, then listen to what his plan is.
All the while, read the scripture, because it's "God-breathed."

"Come near to God, and he will come near to you." 
-James 4:8a

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Praise the Lord

Today, I am really tired, but I opened my Bible in the semi-quietness of my living room, and here's what I found:

Psalm 146

"Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord, O my soul.
I will praise the Lord all my life;
I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

Do not put your trust in princes,
in mortal men, who cannot save.
When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them--
the Lord, who remains faithful forever.
He upholds the cause of the oppressed
and gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets prisoners free,
the Lord gives sight to the blind,
the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,
the Lord loves the righteous.
The Lord watches over the alien
and sustains the fatherless and the widow,
but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

The Lord reigns forever,
your God, O Zion, for all generations.
Praise the Lord."

Praise the Lord, with all of me, and for all of my life! How awesome is it to think of that? Praising God not just now, not just yesterday, but for your whole life?!
Look at this scale and find where you are in life now:


How long do you have still to praise Him? How many opportunities do you think you'll still get to praise Him? How many triumphs will he bring you to? How many joys, sorrows, and lessons will you be able to thank Him for still?
Be joyful always. :)

Do not trust princes and mortal men, who can't actually save. --Listen up girls!!!
How many times will we all fall into this trap that guys are all we need in life and are our heros???
I was watching a movie last night called Mighty Macs, and in it, a man was flirting with a lady and her friend who was a nun(but not dressed as one in this scene). When he asked if the nun was taken, she said, "Well, sort of." He asked what the special guy does and she responded, "He's a carpenter." To this the man replied, "Oh, so he's good with his hands?" and she threw out with a smile, "He works miracles." Haha, I hope you laughed at that! But how awesome is it to think that way! That Jesus is "The One", our Hero, the love of our lives, who fascinates us more than any other man!
What man can work miracles? What man knows what you need at every second of every minute and is there to provide exactly that for you as long as you're willing to accept it?
If you haven't noticed yet, no guy can do that for you, ladies. Yes, you may find a good faithful husband one day(if you aren't married yet), but remember always that no one is like Jesus.
No, Jesus is the only man who can fulfill your life.

Jesus upholds the cause of the oppressed.
Jesus gives food to the hungry.
Jesus sets prisoners free.
Jesus gives sight to the blind. (Amazing!)
Jesus lifts up those who are bowed down.
Jesus loves the righteous.
Jesus watches the alien, sustains the orphan, and the widow...

Don't you see? Jesus cares for all of us more than any man ever will, AND he CAN fulfill his word!

Imagine being married to a King, but not just a King: a humble King. A humble guy who was given power to be ruler over the World not because of the wealth or what people wanted, but because he outright deserved it from his character and his life.

If your younger, imagine being the daughter of this King. Imagine running around with a little tiara on your head, having the ability to show yourself to others as a princess and earn respect. Imagine as a child, running into his throne room and jumping up on his lap to give him a bigg hug, shouting "Daddy!" ("Abba!") Now imagine having that same relationship as you got older, as you started being hurt by friends, meeting boys and them not acting the way Daddy says they should treat you, and finding yourself crying looking for somewhere to go where there is love; now, this time when you enter Daddy's throne room, you're embarrassed, hurt, sad, lonely, in pain. This time, you walk slowly in, trying to hide the look on your face as you walk towards the throne. This time, when you shakily say, "Dad, can I talk to you?" he tells the others in the room to go while you come forward, unsure of where to start. He sees your face, and says, " Come here" and pulls you up onto his lap, where you curl up and start crying.

God loves you.

He makes a promise to you that day. He says, "I don't want you to be hurt anymore. There is a guy who won't hurt you. He's kind, humble, gentle, and strong, and I think you'll like him a lot. But you need to make me a promise. You've got to stop doing what you are doing. Act like my princess; show the world that you are MINE, not theirs. Listen to me: you are beautiful and lovely and worth more than the most precious thing the world has to offer. Do not forget that! Don't forget that I love you, and that I am always here for you. It doesn't matter how far you've fallen off the beaten path; if you come to me, I will be here for you."


God won't let them win. Wickedness is a matter of a person's heart; they can choose to reject God. You might not see it, but those who are oppressing others won't always win. In the Old Testament, even when God raised up an nation against Israel to punish them, later he would punish that same nation for not following His ways (usually because they were oppressing others).

God will always reign. He will always be on that throne. Jesus is at his right hand, waiting for us. His bride is the church, and we are the church. He died because he loves us, because we are worth this. We are worth waiting for. He already paid the price; live a life 'pleasing to God'. Life a life that says, "I'm HIS." because, he's already done everything for you. (:

"Praise the Lord."

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Reaching Out

Hey God,
How do you reach out to others?

Like the people so glued to their passions that they don't see You?
Those who believe they are doing right, but aren't seeing clearly?
Those so caught up in being worldly that they loose sight of what truly matters?
Those who cannot get past the lies of the world because they are too caught up in the imaginary utopia it impossibly promises?

How can I help them?
How do you plan on teaching them?
How do you show these people whom want to change the world that You are the answer to their problems?

How do you reach them in love?
How do you answer their questions?
How do you change them?

If you could let me know, or help me somehow, that would be great. I hate seeing them practically unreachable, and my attempts always appear 'forced upon them' or 'close-minded'.

With love,
Emily

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Fearful and Wonderful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhiPIFzqF7A&feature=relmfu
"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."


When I see creation, as an artist, I am jealous on a daily basis. God is SO amazing, and He only needs to breathe a word and His art comes into existence!
What He does and creates amazes me; I know there is no way anything I could ever make would ever come close to comparing to His glorious works of art.

I think about this regularly, especially when I see the colors of the sky just after the sun goes down. Yet, one thing I neglect to remember is how wonderfully made He made me. And how wonderful is that!

One thing I can't ever forget is that God created laughter. Of all things, He decided He wanted us to have a physical way to express our happiness to each other. Not only that, but He created in us so that when one person laughs, it makes others laugh too. Now lets take it a step further to say that we laugh at things that bring us joy, science has now shown that laughter produces "endorphins" in our brains, giving us more joy!
Isn't our God amazing? He created us to that when we are happy, we automatically do stuff that just makes us happier. How cool is that?! :)

You see, God loves us.
I think Christians forget that, that God loves us. He created us so that we could enjoy life, and He created us so that we would enjoy life. I mean from the very start, God wanted us to live the best life that we can live.
We just don't choose it sometimes.

God is not a lawmaker.
He doesn't lay down rules and simply sit and judge you as you line up trying to get into Heaven.
God is a father--"Abba"="Daddy".
He's a lover, with the church as His bride.
God wants to know you and wants us to know Him, intimately!

Here's where the cool part begins, especially as God's daughters:
When God created us, we were the epitome of Creation.
If you follow the path of what was Created, things just got more complex and amazing and beautiful as they were created, and the last to be formed was woman from Adam's rib.
We are God's Masterpiece.

I don't know how much you may know about art, but let me tell you about what I know about being an artist:
When I draw something good, I want to show EVERYONE.
The problem is, this world is full of people who don't always care enough for art, so if I showed everyone, they wouldn't appreciate it fully. The art isn't any less beautiful, but the people's lack of care makes the art seem less amazing. (Not to mention, it hurts to hear people casually say, "Oh, that's cool." to something you spent hours and days on.)
No, when I create my best works, I save them somewhere special, where they won't get bent or ruined accidentally. Then, I only pull it out and share it with people who show genuine appreciation for it, and in that appreciation I find my utmost joy. :)

Now replace myself with God, and replace that beautiful masterpiece with you.

God loves you. He is amazed at how beautiful you turned out, and extremely proud that He created you. He loves you.
God knows that you will be the happiest only with those who truly appreciate you and how He created you. He wants to protect you from all the "Eh, it's alright."s and the "Oh, sweet."s in life!
He wants you to hear every "Wow, that's amazing!" and "So beautiful!!" that you deserve to hear from everyone!

This is why He says to us to save ourselves for the right someone.

God's not some fun-sucker, trying to make our lives boring; He's a majestic God who wants you to have the best life you can have.

And He knows what's best for you; He's the Creator after all, isn't He?

Faded Vision


It's been a while since I've written something for here, and I think I know the problem.
I've been losing sight of Jesus.

At the end of last summer, I had fallen heads over heels for His love and for Jesus, my amazing Savior who loved me even though I was a sinner. Now, that love has faded slowly away into maybe a liking of some sort that is by no means what God wants from me...

I can see everyday how I try slightly to worship God and be good, but I've been lukewarm and I simply don't live up to his standards. I wonder if it is because I don't suffer, or because I haven't fallen into sin recently, but I know that Paul says we should never sin just to receive grace more.

I've taken a closer look at my prayer life with God, and it's not very strong, I must sadly say.
I think maybe a couple times a week, when I'm noticing the distance between me and God, I'll pray to Him before I go to sleep, and if I'm awake enough and my Bible is close at hand, I'll read a random passage, think about it for a minute, pray, then sleep.
I seriously wonder how I got this way, when I used to fall asleep with the Bible in my hands or under my head every night because I was reading and fell asleep, and when I used to read chapters and books at a time rather than verses and sections.


Today in Chapel, my wonderful friend, Kristian, spoke on God's love for us.
He spoke from the heart about how we don't consider what love God has for us often enough. How Jesus, someone God truly treasured, came down and was torn apart, beaten, spat on, nailed to a cross, and murdered, so that we, the murderers and criminals, could walk free.
How crazy is that?!
He also said that sometimes we think of God and Jesus as separate, with different loves--Jesus's seemingly more caring and compassionate--when in reality, Jesus came to show God's love for us. The love that we see Jesus give, THAT is God's love he has for us!
Kristian pointed out that all Jesus did was show people love. He showed love to people whom in our day would be the emo kids and goths... but all we did was try to kill him for it!



Then he referred to this video that the school watched back in November on God's love.
I have only gotten the chance to see this once(with bad quality--I could hardly see or hear it!), so I'm posting it here and watching it again to try to renew my faith in Christ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjSio8jur2Y


We are the ones on this train, going by, living our short lives, and most of us never even realizing what God did for us, to save us, to keep us alive.

"For God So Loved the World that He Gave His One and Only Son, that Whoever Believes in Him Shall Not Perish, but have Eternal Life."
- John 3:16 (NIV)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Praise Him, Not Me

You may see me,
And you may think
'She is holy'
But that's not me.
Some say I have it good with Christ
But that's not what I see.

I am weak.
I have sin.
We all do.
Like Paul,
the older I am
the worse it gets.
Do I need God?
Y E S.

So this is me
After I was freed:
Still slipping in sin
Stuck in mud
I couldn't see.

Something needed to change.

I gave up.
I cried.
I died
To myself and my ways
And I became His
So that He
Could work through me.

When I gave in to sin
He overcame
When I fell
He took over my life
and became my strength.

You see,
I am a sinner
Jesus saved me
I have no muscle
Jesus was my victory

When He declared
"You shall sin no more"
Fighting the devil
Was no longer a chore

So when you see me
Don't say,
"Oh how good is she"
Because there is no way
I could do a thing without God
For He is the strength
That you see in me.
Praise Him alone
--not me.


"Let them praise the name of the LORD, for His name alone is exalted; His splendor is above the earth and the heavens."
-Psalm 148:13 (NIV)