My Lover

I find myself often longing for a lover.

I sit here and think,

"If only there was someone 

who would be there for me all the time, 

and listen to all my problems, 

and help me get through them.

Someone who already knows what I've done,

and understands my heart, 

yet continues to love me all the time.

Someone who I can actually rely on for help, 

and trust with my secrets."

Then I look up and realize, 

  I have him already.

He knows everything I've done, but still loves me

 and he can help me in every situation.

I realize that he's been here all along, 

and I've loved him already too;

and then I realize that he's been waiting to hear me speak:

So I turn to my Lord, and say,

"Thank You."

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

- Jeremiah 31:3

Continued Post 9/30/12 

At the end of his talk today in church, my preacher talking about how the Holy Spirit worked, brought up how at a young age, a man told him to pray for his future, especially for who he would marry.  He dated a lot of good girls, and they all could have been fine, but he said one day in High School, he was asked to lead a devotional for a group of college kids.  He did it, and was completely scared, and even says he still does not remember what he said, but at the end of it, when everyone was leaving, this really thin girl came up to him, bright eyed, and said, "Wow! I liked what you said! What's your name?"  Even though she was in college, and he was in High School, they began a friendship, and he knew that there was something special about her.  Now they have been married for years, with four great kids, two of them married with kids of their own.

This reminded me of how often I've prayed the same thing, that God would work on me so that I would be a good wife, and work on whoever "he" is so that he would be a good husband, and that together we could serve God more fully.  It gives me a great amount of hope to know that he (someone I truly respect and admire for their relationship and walk with Christ) prayed what I am praying, and that God did answer that prayer fully.
I want to encourage you then to do the same if you are looking for love; but also I want you to remember that God loved you first, and that his love is better than any man's.
Be strong, pray, have faith.
~♥

Spiritual Truths

I have a creepy feeling inside of me.  Some part of God's spirit in me is predicting things and preparing my heart for things I do not know will happen.  How do I know this stuff??  Nothing in my body can tell me what I've known before it happened, and yet, somehow I knew it?
The night before Mrs. Hoffman died, I read Isaiah 57:1-2, and I prayed to God, "If you take her, keep her in heaven, because she is a wonderful woman and has done many things for You that no other woman I know has done."
A couple of hours ago, I read in Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, "There is a time for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die..." ...and as I read that, I knew somehow deep inside that this, in this moment, was talking about sweet little Julia... and now.. I hear that she has passed away... How can this happen?
The words of one of my new favorite songs screams out to me at this moment, because it's message is lining perfectly with my life, every second God is in control of me.

Alive Again - Matt Maher

Yes, I can see the light before I see the sunrise, and I can feel the wind before it hits my skin... it's so weird!
If anyone tries to tell you that the Spirit does not do things inside of a person that makes them know, say, or even understand things that cannot be understood by your body's senses, they do not know God!
God works amazing wonders.
I found it hard to believe such things even when my Bible teacher tried showing us it last year.  Honestly, he spoke in "tongues"--and it was weird! No idea what he said, and walking out of that class, all of my friends were like "Wow, do you believe that stuff? I think it's kinda crazy. Well, I don't really know, but yeah it was weird. I'm not sure."
But in that class, when he spoke whatever he did, it gave me some weird calmness.. and when he translated what he said... it spoke directly to me, into my life, and what I was going through at that time. He wasn't directing it toward anyone himself, but he faced me when he spoke it too. Interesting, huh..

Ever since then, I've looked for the Spirit, and I've found it here and there, in my life, and in others.
People find it hard to believe such a thing is true. Dying on the cross and being raised to life is a little less hard to believe than this, because this is something present.

Am I making any of this up? No; I wouldn't dare make a claim this big anywhere if I was not being truthful.
Does it line up with scripture? That someone can know things beyond herself because of the Spirit?
See for yourself:

    We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing.  No, we speak of God’s secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.  None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.  However, as it is written:
“No eye has seen,
    no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
   what God has prepared for those who love him" —
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
    The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.  For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us.  This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.  The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.  The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgement:
“For who has known the mind of the Lord
    that he may instruct him?”
But we have the mind of Christ.
- 1 Corinthians 2:6-16

Wandering

"Prone to wander, Lord I feel it... Prone to leave the God I love!"

Lately I've been wandering. These words from the song written by Robert Robinson always ring true in me when ever I hear them.
Here in America, we can be bombarded by distractions simply by walking into a room.  It's never hard to turn on the TV in my home or use my laptop, or play some music.  No, maybe everything isn't bad; we are so blessed to have all of this!! But the more and more it takes up space in my life, the worse it is for me.

Recently I was looking at a web site that explained why you get pimples in certain places on your face.  As I read through the spots where I had frequently seen zits, I found that most spots seemed to suggest that I drink more water, and go outside more often.  Then I realized that the longest I ever spend outside every day is only a couple minutes going from here to there.  I really love the outdoors, but when I decide to take a rest, I tend to snuggle up on the couch watching TV or browsing the internet. Who would've guessed that this was becoming a problem for my appearance?

It got me thinking, what do I do with my time?

At Winterfest, a youth rally in Gatlinberg, TN, they played a video about how much time we spend doing certain activities throughout our lifetime. We all laughed when it said that we spend about three years of our life just sitting on the toilet; but when it took an average of how much time we spend reading our Bible?  It was less than any other activity listed.  Not so funny anymore, now is it?  How is it possible that we spend so little time in the most important book of our lives? Is the Bible not food for your soul, and do you not feed your body at least three times a day?

So I took a look at my daily routine, and I realized, the most I every normally focus on God is an occasional prayer right when I wake up, a chapel talk on Mondays and Fridays, and a maybe 30 minute reading/praying session with God about my day (unless I'm too tired and just fall asleep). How sad is that?! Not to mention, total time outside: less than 5 minutes. (I want recess back!)

If you asked me, "Do you ever get distracted from God?" My answer would be, "YES. A lot."

So I'm challenging myself this week to take at least a half-an-hour break when I get home from school to go sit out in my lovely lawn or on my front porch and pray to God.  Bible required. And I challenge you too to do the same!  Open up and admit that you wander often, but that you want to start focusing; then pray this to Him:
"Here's my heart, O take and seal it; seal it for Thy courts above."

So here goes hoping, and trusting, and praying,

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
    my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
    and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
    come quickly, Lord, to help me."
- Psalm 40:11-13

Endless Faces

This is a song that I wrote today, while thinking about the past and now.  I don't have a good tune to it, but if someone likes to make nice tunes and makes this a song, please share with me!  I'd love to put this to music.

All these endless faces
Are rolling past my mind
What once gave me a broken heart
Now I'm leaving it all behind

Oh, you know
I've been rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding my way back home

A tear fell on my shoulder
But now my cheeks are dry
It once gave me a broken heart
Now I know I won't ever cry

Oh, you know
I've been rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding a place to go

"What happened to what we had?
Why'd we ever let go?"
All those lies were just stuck in my mind...
I'm leaving that all behind

Oh, you know
I'm rescued from my hole
Oh, it shows
I'm finding a place to go

Oh, you know
I'm rescued from my hole
Oh, and it shows
I'm on my way back home

~♥

"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 3:13-14